Village Hires Sanitary Engineer!

Hi Chris,

This story continues to have legs! From this morning's paper. Also take a look at our Russian. He's quite the looker!

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Funk’s Inlet Gazette
Russian Granted Political Asylum!


Yesterday morning, Mayor Peter Pecksniff, reeking of rotten tomatoes and month-old baloney sandwiches, stood up during Village Council meeting and resigned his post for the third time over the continuing garbage crisis. He reported that Mrs. Pecksniff has gone to visit her sister in Victoria and will not return until someone else can be found to take over the Village’s newly established garbage route. Pecksniff said that this is not the first time Funky’s garbage has caused tragedy to strike the Pecksniff home. He is of course referring to the unfortunate and untimely death of his first wife, who fell out of her dinghy while dumping the day’s garbage and was eaten by a shark.

Council voted to buy the 1952 ‘Kiev Crusher’ garbage truck recently seized by Canada Customs from itinerant Russian truck and pickled goods smugglers. Since he already stinks, Mayor Pecksniff was selected to hose the pickled cabbage out of the truck. Council promised to step up its efforts to attract a Sanitary Engineer, but so far has had no replies to any of the advertisements placed in newspapers in the larger centres.

In a related issue Boris Constantine, the Russian mink-trapper who was not blown off-course and ended up steering in the wrong direction and landing in Funk’s Inlet just last week, stood and asked for political asylum, suggesting that if he was allowed to stay he would happily clean the truck and assume the position of Village Sanitary Engineer, stating anything was better than trapping mink in the Aleuts for a living. Council immediately accepted his offer and granted him asylum.

Pecksniff admitted after Council meeting that while the Village has no legal right to grant political asylum, they do so out of desperation, in order that Funk’s Inlet might comply with the new Provincial ‘No-Dumping-At-Sea’ law.

Sanitary Engineer Constantine has already assumed his duties, and for the time being will make his home in the truck as he says it is larger and more luxurious than his apartment in Siberia.

Village Council and the Mayor sent e-mail to Mrs. Pecksniff in Victoria with the news that a garbage truck has been bought and a permanent Sanitary Engineer has been hired. Mrs. Pecksniff has reportedly booked a bench on the next scheduled supply ship, which should give the Mayor time to air the house and scrub out the station wagon.